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It kind of keeps me human. You see, I’m about to change their lives — your mom and dad, that is. In about five minutes, they will never be the same, they will never be happy again.

Right now, to be honest, you’re just a nameless dead body that feels like a wet bag of newspapers that we have been pounding on, sticking IV lines and tubes and needles in, trying desperately to save you. There’s no motion, no life, nothing to tell me you once had dreams or aspirations. I owe it to them to learn just a bit about you before I go in.

Because right now . . . all I am is mad at you, for what you did to yourself and what you are about to do to them.

I know nothing about you. I owe it to your mom to peek inside of your once-living world.

Maybe you were texting instead of watching the road, or you were drunk when you should have Ubered. Perhaps you snorted heroin or Xanax for the first time or a line of coke, tried meth or popped a Vicodin at the campus party and did a couple shots. Maybe you just rode your bike without a helmet or didn’t heed your parents’ warning when they asked you not to hang out with that “friend,” or to be more cautious when coming to a four-way stop. Maybe you just gave up.

Maybe it was just your time, but chances are . . . it wasn’t.

So I pick up your faded picture of your driver’s license and click on my iPhone, flip to Facebook and search your name. Chances are we’ll have one mutual friend somewhere. I know a lot of people.

I see you wearing the same necklace and earrings that now sit in a specimen cup on the counter, the same ball cap or jacket that has been split open with trauma scissors and pulled under the backboard, the lining stained with blood. Looks like you were wearing it to the U2 concert. I heard it was great.

I see your smile, how it should be, the color of eyes when they are filled with life, your time on the beach, blowing out candles, Christmas at Grandma’s; oh you have a Maltese, too. I see that. I see you standing with your mom and dad in front of the sign to your college. Good, I’ll know exactly who they are when I walk into the room. It makes it that much easier for me, one less question I need to ask.

You’re kind of lucky that you don’t have to see it. Dad screaming your name over and over, mom pulling her hair out, curled up on the floor with her hand over her head as if she’s trying to protect herself from unseen blows.

I check your Facebook page before I tell them you’re dead because it reminds me that I am talking about a person, someone they love—it quiets the voice in my head that is screaming at you right now shouting: “You mother fucker, how could you do this to them, to people you are supposed to love!”

-Dr. Louis M. Profeta

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  • Comment held for moderation.
    really · 22:41 10/16/2018
    Except for the grace of God, there lay I
  • Comment held for moderation.
    Tim · 12:16 10/16/2018
    Ugh Wow...painful to read...post again at the holidays...very powerful....have Steve Quayle link it to your site Hal....this is a wake up call
  • Comment held for moderation.
    really · 12:06 10/16/2018
    There is nothing private about social media
  • Comment held for moderation.
    Jill Hart · 08:31 10/16/2018
    Suicide accidental or on purpose is like setting off a bomb among those that love you. Those closest to you suffer the most damage. Not sure about the whole look at facebook thing. Especially among young people. Those seem more inclined to be on snapchat...at least around here. Not too mention the invasion of privacy.
  • Comment held for moderation.
    Onno · 05:11 10/16/2018
    Tell that to the horror-murderers of overflowing war-wounded and refugee-camp Dresden who proactively (knowing full well the care and empathy that was displayed on the ground!) boiled 1.2 million non-combattant human beings to soup with the conventional equivalent of about 3-4 times the destructive power of the Hiroshima bomb before Gods eyes.


    The Love of God is more than the love of parents.

    But moral morons/psychopaths (!) do not and cannot dread God......therefore they are serial liars and -murderers.
  • Comment held for moderation.
    eagle eye · 05:04 10/16/2018
    Ouch. I might just print it out and hand it to my teenage son as a preventative measure against the sort of silly shit I got away with at the same age
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