Humor: US Navy Building New Destroyer "Barack Obama" - With Special Features

Humor:  US Navy Building New Destroyer "Barack Obama" - With Special Features
3 Comments

Features:

It shoots out money at enemies and flies a white flag.

His & His Restrooms

Instead of calisthenics, all enlisted will be required to exercise running, carrying a television set.

No mess hall. Just EBT cards and a McDonalds.

If you like your transgender bunk mate, you can keep your transgender bunk mate.

It can take a torpedo up the stern and like it...

Floor show every night!

The vessel will be like his rectum; round and full of seamen.

Glory holes at all duty stations

Instead of showers it has bath houses.

The main guns shoot Vaseline.

It's secret weapon is a golden turd shot off the poop deck with a black ramrod.

Once deployed, it prevents enemies from receiving healthcare.

Rainbow camouflage and powered by Solyndra solar panels

The poop deck actually is for outdoor shitting for the Kenyan crew.

The bowsprit is a lifesize nude Michael with a stiffy.

To turn it on you have to plug the exhaust.

It can take pink torpedoes in three bays at once.

The crew loooovesss playing with the big guns.

Call to prayer plays constantly once it's in international waters.

The chaplain will be well versed in black liberation theology... but will really be a Muslim.

Cocaine. Lots of cocaine.

Male ballerinas with 9 and a half fingers having dance offs.

Solar panels made of used heroin needles that cost 60 million each and don't do a damn thing.

No rudder, the damn ship just keeps turning left in a permanent circle.

Village People Playing over the PA 24/7.

A minaret conning tower

On board goat pens for crew relief

Uniforms will be slightly modified with easy access rear Velcro fly

Uses "green" energy, - SAILS

When it docks in Saudi Arabia, it bows down.

Secret weapon triggers white guilt en masse, making the "enemy" destroy itself

It will only attack America.

 

Hat tip to GLP for this content . . . .

You must login to post a comment.
Loading comment... The comment will be refreshed after 00:00.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    GUY DUNPHY · 1 months ago
    Don't forget the other features:

    * Has several different names. No one is sure which is the ship's true name, or its country of origin.

    * All the construction records are sealed or lost. There are parts of the ship that no one knows how to reach.

    * The official certificate of launching is a laughable photoshop fake.

    * It transmists a radio ID signal that turns out to belong to another ship that was scrapped long ago.

    * The only time the USS Obama is supposed to have captured a 'great opponent', there is no material evidence of the event at all, not even photos of the captured ship before it was supposedly 'scuttled from the air.' While much evidence demonstrates that ship actually ran aground and sank nearly a decade before of natural causes.

    * When travelling through waterways with lock gates, the USS Obama tends to become impatient and attempt to ram it's way through the lock gates.

    * There's a scandal about the USS Obama crew attempting a rort with contracts for construction of a sister ship, the USS HRClinton. Remarkably the same crew are still attempting to launch that grotesque and unseaworthy hulk off the slipway.

    * The USS Obama is exceptionally lavishly funded. No one has any idea where all that money could have come from legitimately.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Dan Lawrence · 1 months ago
    Funny
  • This commment is unpublished.
    JB · 1 months ago
    I thoroughly enjoy your news posts and look forward to reading them every day. So much so, that I became a subscriber several months ago. This, however, is a nasty example of how the left would behave. Not something I expect to read here. Don’t sink to their level, Hal. You’re too talented for this.
    • This commment is unpublished.
      Matthew Worner · 29 days ago
      Sometimes the truth is a hoot.