Actual Customer Review of "Manscaping" Hair Removal Gel (HUMOR)

Actual Customer Review of "Manscaping" Hair Removal Gel (HUMOR)
6 Comments

This is so funny that I had difficulty breathing from laughing so hard! 



THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AFTER USING HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rasproblem childan I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. 

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. 

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. 

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. 

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. 

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. 

Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. 



I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me

The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. 

I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. 

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. 

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. 

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell-end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream . . . and as I hadn't heard her come in, it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. 

I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status.  So to sum it up, XXX removes hair, dignity, and self-respect.

 

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  • This commment is unpublished.
    Roger Coleman · 1 months ago
    Likewise to Matt's comment, ...dare I ask, the product branding????
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Madeleine Mead · 1 months ago
    Men are removing hair women are letting it grow...what’s going on? Is this mental-meltdown madness or what!?
    • This commment is unpublished.
      xyzzy · 27 days ago
      Not necessarily! It used to be that pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Today it's the other way around. These things change. Want another example? It used to be that only women and fags wore wristwatches - real men carried pocket watches. So it is with body hair - 100 years from now, our descendants might be living in a world where body hair is considered feminine, and only women and fags have it. Who Knows?
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Get real. · 1 months ago
    Hilarious! I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit.

    However, the reason for the existence of these products and the relentless push by the media in favor of "hairless" is far more sinister.

    Simply put, "hairless" is part of the agenda to normalize the pre-pubescent look to make pedophilia acceptable to society.

    You know, the "waif" look. Or more recently, "toxic masculinity".

    Reality is this simple:

    Women have hair; girls don't.

    Men have hair; boys don't.

    This doesn't necessarily mean that a woman who dons an elegant party dress suddenly raises her arm and... Chong!!.. there's the Amazon jungle, but adult private parts both in women and men are not "hairless". That only happens on children. Curious coincidence, that.

    I wouldn't be surprised if NAMBLA and other demonic freak organizations actually finance many of these products.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Matt Worner · 1 months ago
    Boy am I glad the coffee is still brewing. Otherwise, it might be running out my nose.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Steve Roberts · 1 months ago
    The visual at the end with his spouse and the sprout... brilliant !
  • This commment is unpublished.
    Ronald Cordova · 1 months ago
    My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Tears are running down my face from so much laughter